I’ve been feeling uninspired to write because I’m not losing any weight, but this is all a part of this journey I guess. Losing weight is not like people see on the Biggest Loser where week after week the pounds keep flowing off in double digit numbers.
I’ve been finding myself thinking; am I destined to be FAT? Weight loss can be rewarding but weight loss also sucks. I have gone from hitting weight loss happiness each week as the number on the scale keeps its downward spiral to stuck on a weight loss plateau as the STUPID scale doesn’t even budge a tenth of a pound. Doesn’t the scale understand that I have changed my workout routine and food intake and should start moving again? Duh, hello respond you stupid scale. My husband often will hear me Saturday morning yelling profanities at the scale and calmly reminds me that it is an inanimate object, it really can’t hear me. Oh gee, thanks hun – because swearing at the scale was really making me feel better.
The most common answer I can find from my trust resource (Google) is to continue doing what I’m doing and wait it out. Seriously?!? Patience has never been a strong characteristic of mine. I was the kid on a mission every Christmas season to see where and what my presents would be. My parents eventually hid them at my grandparents’ house because I was that bad. The longer I wait for the damn scale the further that date where I hit my goal weight and when I truly become a former fat girl moves into the summer. I suppose this is where I am truly tested because it is easy to think okay I’m done now. I’ll just have to stick to my current weight because clearly I cannot lose any more. BUT that would not be so great since I am technically still obese. I want to continue to fight for a healthier life and if that means waiting it out while my body adjusts then I guess I will have to do that. My trusty resources also said get tested by a doctor for thyroid issues. Yup, thanks. Had that done my thyroid is perfect so I’m fat because I chose to be fat not because of my damn thyroid.
Bottom line this waiting stuff sucks.
I’ve been having a lot of fat girl freak-outs too. Just today I went into a sporting goods store looking for a knee brace. There was an athletic looking man perusing through the boxing goods. I panicked the braces were right next to him; would he see me and think “Oh yeah fat girl see if you can fit your chubby thigh into one of those” or was he thinking “What the heck is this fat girl doing in a sporting goods store she could not possibly work out!” I swear fat people are hard enough on themselves without having others point it out. Maybe it was worse today because I’m not in the right frame of mind to begin with (UGH, stupid plateau) or maybe that is just something that will go away with time. I have fat girl freak-outs when I try a new workout too. I recently signed up at the new gym and want to tell the instructors; “You think I am fat now you should have seen me before.” I constantly feel like I need to justify that while yes I am fat I am working on it and I used to be much fatter. In classes I think everyone is going to look at me and know I’m just another fat person trying to lose weight. Hmmm. Why is that so bad? I am another fat person trying to lose weight and I am not just trying I am losing weight.
I guess it is I important for me to remember that this is not about fast or rapid weight loss. These pounds I’m losing are staying gone for good! So while I would have loved to reach my goal weight by spring if it happens in summer or next fall it is still going to feel amazing.